The world may be ending in a couple of weeks. And I believe when facing the end times we should examine the mysteries of our universe. Such questions as:
- What is the meaning of life?
- Are humans the highest form of intelligence?
- Why does pizza always taste so damn good?!?
Unfortunately, most will probably remain unanswered (I mean, seriously, it’s just dough, marinara, and cheese). But there are some secrets that could be uncovered, if only the holders would reveal the answers. Keep in mind, time is limited, so if they don’t complete their thoughts quickly, the truth may be lost for eternity, and we’ll forever be left to ponder.
So here are the top ten worst conversations to have–and the individuals you’d be having them with–when the world is about to end.
Note: Clearly, this is assuming an immediate annihilation of the planet, where one second we’re here, the next we’re not—think The Sopranos finale style. And yes, let’s pretend some of these individuals from the past have come back to play a role in this silly scenario. Cut me a little slack, eh?
10. Quentin Tarantino
“Oh man, I freakin’ love that people became obsessed with that briefcase. But of course I’ve always known what’s inside. It’s the …”
9. Leonardo da Vinci
“She’s smiling because …”
8. Jack Daniel
“I was hoping everyone would be too drunk to care about the number, but since you keep pestering me about it …”
7. Stanley Kubrick
“I’m not sure where your confusion lies. Dave is watching himself age in a …”
6. George Washington
“Is this what we envisioned when we created this whole thing? Well, to sum up my feelings in one word …”
Man walks out of shadows wearing a mask. Begins to remove the mask …
4. Jesus Christ
“Solid effort on the book, guys. But you left out the most important scene where…”
3. George W. Bush
“That thing on my back? Under my jacket? You’ll never guess. It was a …”
2. Marco Bambrilla
“Ya know, it’s actually very simple. The first seashell is for …”
1. George Lucas
“You know, in regards to the prequels … I probably should’ve just stopped after the original trilogy … wait, we’re still here? I take it back!