My Clippers Hat From Hell

During the early years of the 2000s, I developed a heavy dose of superstition surrounding my hometown University of Oklahoma Sooners football team. This included sitting in a particular spot on the couch, only eating certain foods during the game, and even went so far as having to hold my thumb and middle finger together the entire time we were on offense. And you should know that I fully believed I was playing a vital role in the team’s success.

I look back at these times and think, “My god, I was an idiot.” Bud Light ran an ad campaign this past NFL season focusing on the superstitions fans may hold. And every time the commercial would air, I would think, “My god, these people are idiots.”

So as I’ve matured, I’ve let the superstitious me reside in the past. In fact, I’ve pretty much moved on from being a die-hard Sooner fan in general (partially thanks to Bob Stoops’s arrogance, but that’s a whole other blog post). I’ve learned that basketball is my true passion and I haven’t looked back.

But unfortunately, my ideas about a divine connection between fans and the team they love are beginning to resurface. Only this time, I’m afraid my actions have only jinxed my team.

Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve become a Clippers fan. The star player Blake Griffin went to Oklahoma, and I’ve always been a de facto Lakers hater, so it was a natural fit. After a sluggish first season, we signed megastar Chris Paul, and the Clippers have been on the rise ever since.

The beginning of this season couldn’t have been better. Best record in the league, Lakers playing like absolute shit, and even Magic Johnson was saying the Clippers are the new Showtime—the nickname given to his Lakers teams in the 80s. I loved being a Clippers fan. My girlfriend was so pumped up about the season that she demanded we go buy hats to show our pride for the basketball team that now runs L.A. I’m not really a hat guy, so I was a little hesitant, but again, she demanded, so I went out and got a hat.

Literally, the day after I purchased this hat, Chris Paul is sidelined with a bruised knee. After that, the Clips go on to lose 7 out of 10 games, Blake Griffin is now out with an injured hamstring, and we just lost to the Washington Wizards—who are, for lack of a better phrase, the worst team in the whole damn league.

Meanwhile, the Lakers have figured out how to play basketball again, have gone on to win 7 out of 10 games, and Kobe continues to cement himself as one of the greatest of all time. Talk about a quick change of events.

So, Clipper Nation, while my girlfriend refuses to admit that our purchasing of the ball caps had anything to do with this recent collapse, I feel it is only appropriate for me to apologize. If I could take it back, I absolutely would, but sadly, they don’t allow returns on cursed paraphernalia.

The saddest part of this tale? I don’t even look that great in a hat. I can only hope that, in a few weeks, I will again believe that superstitions are for idiots.

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