Money is a curious thing. Those who don’t have it consistently complain about not having it, while those who do have it seem to be in a hurry to give it away. I wonder if the first humans ever fathomed that some numbers on a piece of paper would one day be the most obsessed-over aspect in our society. I should state there is nothing wrong with wanting money or wanting to spend money. However, please keep in mind that just because you can purchase something, doesn’t mean you should purchase something.
For instance, there’s this German company that sells a variety of liquors. But before being bottled, these particular liquors are poured over the breasts of a Playboy Playmate. To me, this presents a modern-day “Chicken or the Egg” dilemma: Was there a market for people who wanted whiskey poured over boobs? Or did they pour the whiskey over boobs and, thus, created a market? Also, how do we know this is a good deal? What if the Playmate is Miss March of 1962, but the liquor was made this year? Better double check, or else that whiskey sour may be a bit too sour.
I’ve personally witnessed the farce of overpriced, gimmicky alcohol. There’s a bar in my hometown of Norman, OK, that sells a liquor—supposedly a scotch or cognac or whatever old white dudes drink while laughing on their yachts—that cost about $150 per glass. In Norman, OK, of all places! It’s not like we’re at some castle in the English countryside. Doesn’t matter; kids love this stuff. My theory: It’s some bottom-of-the-bucket bourbon that some schlub took out back, pissed in, and then poured into a fancy bottle.
Alcohol has always been a cash cow. But not too long ago, someone figured out that people love to spend money on pointless shit, even if it doesn’t give them a buzz.
Back in 2008, when the Apple App Store was really taking off, there was an app for sale called I Am Rich. It was nothing but a red dot that, when pushed, displayed the following mantra:
I am rich
I deserv it
I am good,
Just like that—typos and all. Seems harmless enough, right? Then you realize this app cost $999.99. Let me reiterate: It does nothing. But what really depresses me is people actually bought this thing. Eight people in total. Two of those customers claimed it was an accident and received refunds. But that still leaves six people out there who 1) actually wanted to buy this thing, and 2) thought it was worth keeping on their phones.
Look, your money is your money, and it can be redeemed for whatever you see fit. However, I can’t help but think of David Gilmour of Pink Floyd singing, “Money, get away…” Perhaps some of you took that line a bit too literally.