Damn the Definition to Hell!

George Carlin is the 3rd greatest comedian of all time, right behind Dave Chappelle and Richard Pryor. His early years gave us some of the funniest jokes and observations about our society, including the famous “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television.” As he got older, he turned into quite the curmudgeon and his acts mainly consisted of him complaining about how awful everything was. Of course, the audience would laugh and critics would praise, because once you receive the genius tag, it takes a lot to have it revoked.

But in his mindless ranting towards the end of his life, Carlin did have one line that is truer than any before. A line so profound that Aristotle, John Locke, and Confucius would weep in joyous revelation if they were to hear it. That line, of course, was:

People are f@!#ing dumb.

George shared this wisdom with us in 2005, but it was more of a prophecy than observation. Because I can comfortably say that now, in 2013, we have achieved a level of stupidity that was previously unimaginable.

By chance, have you happened to look up the definition of the word “literally” lately? You haven’t? Well then, let me educate you:

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 9.10.42 PM

Look at the second definition listed.  It literally says that “literally” means “not literally.”  I feel as though this bears repeating:  in today’s world, the word literally no longer means literally.  Now, I’ve never tripped balls on mushrooms before, but I’m beginning to wonder what kind of weird, through-the-looking-glass realm am I living in.  We, as a society, used and abused this poor word in the wrong context until we literally changed its meaning. We Ludovico’d it until it could no longer stand on its own. It gave up, and submitted to our demands.

But where does this madness end?  If we’re not careful, we’ll end up with this:  up is down, left is right, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!

Now, wait a second.  Let’s think about what’s really happening here:  We, as a society, have changed the definition of a word.  Not only that, we changed it to literally mean the opposite of what it’s supposed to mean.  That’s incredible!  I’m so proud to have been a resident of this fantastic planet during a time of such powerful change.  Sorry, George, we aren’t f@!#ing dumb; we’re f@!#ing brilliant! Can you imagine what we could accomplish if we all put our minds together in similar fashion on other issues?  I bet we could send someone to the moon!  And if we could, I would volunteer Chris Traeger, who has literally been our “literally leader” since the beginning.  Literally.


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