John Kerry (Apparently) Hates France

I woke up this morning and saw that “James Taylor” was trending on Twitter.  Of course, I immediately think, “Oh, I guess James Taylor died,” because, you know, that’s how we’re conditioned to react when we see an older celebrity’s name trending on Twitter.

But after a little bit of digging (okay, just after clicking on the trending name — it’s not that much work), I see that what really happened is James Taylor joined John Kerry on a trip to Paris as a token of condolences for the Charlie Hebdo attacks.  Mr. Taylor played his hit “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” and Kerry delivered a speech.

However, judging by the reaction of those in the Twitterverse, this is how you would’ve expected the press release to read:

Secretary of State John Kerry visited France today.  He whipped out his penis and proceeded to urinate directly onto the Arc de Triomphe.  Upon completion, he let out a monstrous fart and said “Keep the change, Frenchies.”

Look, you have the right to be upset with how the United States failed to appear at the unity rally this past Sunday.  But let’s not overreact and pretend that this is the most egregious foreign-relations act the U.S. has ever made.  And come on, at least we didn’t send Pitbull or Right Said Fred, ya know?

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